Why We Take Things Personally

Welcome to The Brighter Side of Everything.

This newsletter serves a simple purpose → To help you build optimism, resilience and a solution-focused perspective.

Each week, I’ll share actionable insights that not only brighten your day but position you to be a leader within your own life and seize life’s opportunities.

Read time: 12-15 minutes.

• Why We Take Things Personally - And how to stop.

• Bright Reads - Quick links to fun or insightful articles.

• Brandon Farbstein - Standing ten feet tall.

• Now Spinning - Morning Phase by Beck.

• A Bright Idea to Consider - Notice, just don’t get stuck.

• A Previous Post - You can’t read minds.

• Positively Hilarious - Smile like you mean it.

• Daily Gratitude Journal - Transform your daily routine through reflection.

Hello, Brighter Side readers! ☀️

This week I’m coming to you from a cozy corner of Sandbanks Provincial Park (a beautiful spot about two hours east of Toronto).

I’m fully unplugged for a quick family getaway and celebrating my 47th trip around the sun.

There’s something about the sound of the lake, sand in your shoes and a campfire at dusk that brings you back to all that matters most.

In the spirit of slowing down, here’s what’s on my mind this week:

• Why it’s so easy to take things personally (and how to drop that baggage for good).

• The powerful difference one kind, optimistic human (like Brandon Farbstein) can make.

• An album that’s perfect for early weekend mornings and slow coffee.

Ever found yourself wondering, “Is this about me?” or spinning stories that weigh you down?

This week is all about reclaiming your peace, switching on your self-compassion and savouring the moments that matter.

Preferably while toasting a marshmallow.

Thanks for being here, for reading and for sharing these moments with me.

See you on the Brighter Side,

Chris

P.S. Please feel free to send me feedback on how I can improve. I respond to every email.

Ever caught yourself thinking something is all about you?

Even when, deep down, you know it probably isn’t?

It’s remarkable how fast our minds can leap to conclusions.

Spoiler alert: Our brains love a starring role.

A friend bails on plans, your thoughts spiral into self-doubt.

Your boss gives feedback, your confidence deflates.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Taking things personally is a universal habit, but not one we have to accept as our default.

Our brains are wired for storytelling.

And, surprise!

We’re usually the star of the narrative.

When someone is distant or distracted, our minds can quickly make it about ourselves.

This is known as personalisation.

It’s a built-in mental shortcut.

Once crucial for ancient humans staying alert in social groups, but now mostly a recipe for anxiety and misunderstanding.

It has a sidekick, mind reading.

We tell ourselves we know what others think or feel about us, even with little (or no) evidence.

You know the routine, a short message from a friend, or a neutral look from a colleague, suddenly feels like a referendum on your worth.

Next time your mind builds a negative story:

Try asking - “Am I 100% certain this is about me? Is there another explanation?”

This shift can turn self-doubt into self-compassion almost instantly.

The Emotional Cost of Taking Things Personally

This habit isn’t just a mental quirk, it has a real impact:

• Peace of Mind: Constantly scanning for hidden criticism chips away at your calm and joy.

• Emotional Energy: Worrying about what others think is draining, it robs you of focus and creativity.

• Relationships: Misreading neutral moments as negative erodes trust and connection.

• Growth: Fearing judgment makes it harder to accept honest, constructive feedback.

I’ve noticed that even the most capable people can lose sleep over what they believe are subtle slights or pointed feedback.

When in reality, the facts are often much more neutral.

The stories we tell ourselves can feel far heavier than the reality ever intended.

But why do we fall into this trap so easily?

And what can we do about it?

Why Do We Take Things So Personally?

Our brains crave meaning and certainty.

Especially when we’re tired, stressed or feeling vulnerable.

If you grew up in an environment where feedback felt like criticism, or ever had to perform for approval, you’re more likely to fall into the personalisation trap.

However, awareness is the first, and most important, step toward the brighter side.

Here are five ways to break free without becoming cold or closed off:

1. Notice the Story You’re Spinning

When you feel hurt, pause.

What story are you telling yourself? Is it grounded in fact or just reaction?

Instead of, “They must be mad at me.”

Try “Maybe they’re lost in their thoughts today.”

2. Ask: “What Else Could This Mean?”

It’s a deceptively simple question.

I know I once caught myself annoyed when a friend failed to reply to my messages.

My knee-jerk story: “I must have upset her.”

The truth? She was away on a trip and uncontactable.

3. People’s Actions Reflect Their Own World

Most people act based on their own stress, their mood or even their past.

Not because of you.

Recognising this helps you stop taking things personally.

It also frees you from the assumption that every action is a reflection of your worth.

4. Build Your Self-Resilience Muscle

When your core sense of self is strong, perceived insults are less likely to affect you.

Like water falling off a duck’s back.

Try listing three things you value in yourself that have nothing to do with others’ opinions.

Maybe your loyalty, curiosity, or tenacity.

Let these be your anchors.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

You will still have days where you personalise things.

We all do.

It's a natural part of the human experience.

It's important to recognise these moments and remind ourselves that not everything is a reflection of who we are or our personal value.

When it happens, remind yourself: “This doesn’t define me. I’m human, and I can be kind to myself.”

How you speak to yourself matters, especially when it comes to difficult emotions.

Adding a small shift in language can make a big difference:

• Instead of: "I am anxious."

• Try: "I am feeling anxious."

This change might sound subtle, but it creates distance between your identity and your current emotion:

• Saying “I am anxious” makes anxiety feel like a fixed part of who you are.

• Saying “I am feeling anxious” recognises that anxiety is a temporary experience.

When you label emotions as feelings, not identities, you remind yourself that emotions come and go, you are not your anxiety.

But What if it is About You?

Sometimes, you’ll notice a real pattern.

Someone’s behaviour crosses your line, over and over.

Taking that seriously isn’t being “too sensitive”.

It’s wisdom.

Take the time to set healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are statements of self-worth.

Like, I deserve respect.

Or, I get to choose what I accept.

Learning to take things less personally isn’t about emotional shutdown.

It means opening space for more peace, clear thinking and deeper relationships.

You no longer waste your energy chasing shadows.

You’ve reclaimed it and allowed space to create, to connect and to enjoy the moment.

My Takeaway

Here’s the heart of it.

Life’s too short and too brilliant to waste energy carrying stories that were never yours to begin with.

Every moment you resist taking things personally, you reclaim power over your narrative.

You regain emotional freedom and the capacity to choose your responses, not just react to old habits.

You’re not responsible for what others think, say or do.

Only for how you show up in the world.

As someone who’s led teams across the globe and faced my own share of doubts, I can promise one thing.

The more you practice curiosity over judgment and self-compassion over criticism.

The lighter and more expansive your whole life becomes.

So next time you catch yourself in an old, familiar pattern, remember:

Most things aren’t about you, and that’s a beautiful gift.

You have room to grow, to connect, to be fully yourself.

Free from stories that don’t serve you.

This is your invitation to see the world through a lens of possibility, rather than one clouded by anxiety.

Stand tall.

Live boldly.

And remember, the only story that matters is the one you choose to write.

If this resonated and you're keen to learn more, take a few minutes to watch the video below. It offers fresh strategies and deeper perspective:

• Our solar system planets in order: A complete guide.

• Apple Music’s Top 100 Albums.

• Simple ways to spot a liar.

• Setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

• How 15 bizarre British dishes got their names.

Every so often, someone comes along and completely changes what we think is possible.

Not just for themselves, but for all of us.

That’s exactly what Brandon Farbstein is doing.

Brandon was born with one of the rarest forms of dwarfism.

Standing a little over three feet tall, everything else about him, his ambition, his heart, his optimism, feels about 10 feet high.

He’s unapologetically himself and what he radiates most is hope.

People like Brandon remind me why this newsletter exists.

To share stories that lift us up and prove that optimism isn’t fluffy or naïve, it’s powerful.

Bullied Teen to Fierce Advocate

Brandon’s journey started, like so many stories of strength, with struggle.

He was often bullied, made to feel invisible and told he didn’t “fit.”

But instead of shrinking, Brandon turned his pain into purpose.

At just 15, he gave a TEDx Talk that helped catapult him into the spotlight.

Not as someone who needed sympathy, but someone with something important to say about resilience, identity and being seen.

He wasn’t interested in being defined by his condition.

He was far more interested in how he could redefine strength for everyone who’d ever felt underestimated.

By the time he was 18, Brandon had already helped pass two anti-bullying and emotional intelligence laws in Virginia schools.

Let that sink in.

He was still in high school and already changing the system.

Optimism in Action

What I love most about Brandon’s work is that it lives in two places, inspiration and practical action.

He’s written books (“Ten Feet Tall” and “A Kids Book About Self-Love”), speaks to school kids and execs alike, works with Fortune 100 companies, and still finds time to advocate globally with UNICEF and the UN.

His message is clear: you belong, you matter, and you can rewrite the script, for yourself and others.

He’s also made huge waves in the world of inclusive fashion, walking the runway at New York Fashion Week in a Tommy Hilfiger Adaptive show.

Very few people can talk about systemic impact and stellar outfits in the same breath but Brandon pulls it off.

He’s not trying to be anyone’s hero.

He’s just using his voice, to make sure more people find theirs.

Why His Story Feels So Right for Right Now

Brandon is proof that you don’t have to be the loudest in the room to make the biggest impact.

You don’t have to be the tallest.

Or the flashiest.

You just have to be real, speak with heart and show up with purpose.

He reminds us that vulnerability can co-exist with strength.

That kindness is a force for change and that optimism isn’t silly, far from it.

It’s essential.

On the brighter side, we find the people who open doors, not just with grand gestures, but with steady presence, lived experience and a deep belief in something better.

Brandon opens those doors every day.

Lessons from Brandon

• You don't have to be big to be bold. Power isn't about presence, it's about purpose.

• Optimism grows when shared. Kindness, authentic story-sharing and empathy are contagious in the best way.

• One person CAN change things. Especially when they lead with heart.

My Takeaway

What really stands out in Brandon’s talks is his encouragement to make the journey your own.

He emphasises the importance of valuing expert advice from doctors, mentors, and family.

While also highlighting the necessity of discovering personal solutions that align with your unique story.

He shares that our challenges are unique, and no “one-size-fits-all” answer will ever unlock every door.

Instead, Brandon models a blend of expert guidance with self-awareness.

Trust your professionals, but don’t forget to be your own advocate and find what works for you.

He also speaks with conviction about the role of technology.

Not as a distraction, but as a powerful force for positive change.

Brandon advocates for leveraging digital tools and platforms to connect, learn and uplift each other rather than compare or divide.

He’s a big believer in using technology thoughtfully and intentionally, so it serves as a bridge, not a barrier.

Brandon Farbstein shows us what happens when you take adversity, add in some fierce love and turn it into something that uplifts everyone you meet.

He doesn’t stand tall in spite of the hard stuff.

He stands taller because of it.

And maybe that’s the real legacy.

Helping us all feel empowered to take whatever makes us different and use it to make a positive impact.

So, who in your life reminds you to stand a little taller and lead with a little more light?

That is someone worth celebrating.

Interested in seeing Brandon’s TED Talk? Check out this video:

Ever put on an album that immediately shifts the energy in your space?

Like opening the blinds and letting the morning sun spill in?

That’s the magic of Beck’s Morning Phase.

Even for fans used to his genre-hopping creativity, this album is a curveball.

More serene, reflective and lush than much of his earlier, funkier grooves.

Yet, it slaps in its own way.

Radiating a warmth and craftsmanship that landed it the Grammy for Album of the Year.

A huge achievement for a record built on quiet power instead of big hooks or flashy singles.

Why It’s Worth Your Time

Morning Phase marks Beck’s return to sweeping, orchestral folk-rock.

It’s reminiscent of his acclaimed Sea Change (2002), but with its own mature, glowing spirit.

Each track drifts in with gentle harmonies, mellow acoustic textures and a sense of peace that feels tailor-made for easy mornings.

It’s the album to reach for when you’re sipping coffee, turning the pages of a good book, or just letting your mind wander and reset.

Despite its calm vibe, it’s anything but background noise.

The real strength is in the details.

Gorgeous string arrangements, quietly powerful songwriting and melodies that linger long after the last note.

What Makes It Stand Out

This record stands apart because it’s both a departure and an arrival for Beck.

More stripped down than his kaleidoscopic earlier work, but losing none of his inventiveness.

Songs like “Morning,” “Heart Is a Drum,” and “Waking Light” blend together to create a seamless, transportive journey.

The musical restraint lets every emotion land fully, offering both comfort and imagination in equal measure.

It’s the kind of album that invites a deep listen.

Best enjoyed from start to finish, just as Beck intended.

Practical Lessons

Morning Phase is a reminder of how powerful a vibe-centric album can be:

• Embrace change: Sometimes, the best move is to take your art somewhere unexpected.

• Beauty in simplicity: Subtle, gentle arrangements can be just as impactful as bold experimentation.

• Consistency creates immersion: Letting the album play all the way through shapes a mood and tells a story.

• Honour your rituals: Pairing this album with a slow morning routine can turn an ordinary day into a mini retreat.

My Takeaway

When I want to centre myself and start the weekend with intention, this is my go to album.

Beck shows that even when he changes lanes, he does it with such skill and feeling that the result is damn impressive.

There’s a reason Morning Phase was crowned Album of the Year at the Grammys, it’s a masterclass in mood, musicianship and reinvention.

Whether it’s your first listen or your fiftieth, this album is a reminder that sometimes slowing down is precisely what you need.

What’s your favourite go-to album for a slow morning?

Got a recommendation?

Please share; I'm always keen for great suggestions.

The Lesson

Ever catch yourself tangled up in a swirl of uncomfortable thoughts?

You’re not alone.

So often, when we experience stress, worry, or tough emotions, we get trapped in them.

Like being in a mental web we can’t shake off.

But here’s the bright idea for this week: Mindfulness allows you to notice your uncomfortable feelings and thoughts rather than be entangled in them.

Instead of getting caught up in what’s bothering you, mindfulness gives you a gentle “pause button.”

You can observe what’s happening in your mind without letting it take over your day.

Go Deeper

Think of mindfulness as watching clouds drift by.

Your thoughts and feelings are the clouds.

They come and go.

Instead of becoming the storm, you’re simply the sky noticing what passes through.

That space between noticing a thought and getting caught up in it?

That’s where real growth happens.

Practicing mindfulness isn’t about ignoring discomfort or pretending everything is okay.

It’s about giving yourself permission to feel.

Without judgment or immediate reaction.

This shift in perspective helps you become more resilient.

More compassionate with yourself and more adaptable when life gets messy.

Practical Steps

Try working mindfulness into your week with these simple strategies:

• Pause and Name: The next time you feel a wave of anxiety or frustration, pause and name what you’re experiencing (“I’m feeling worried,” or “That thought is uncomfortable”). Notice it without trying to fix it right away.

• Mindful Moments: Set aside one minute each day to simply sit, breathe and watch your thoughts come and go.

• Gentle Curiosity: Approach your feelings with curiosity rather than self-criticism. Ask yourself, “Where did this come from? What is it trying to tell me?” without jumping to conclusions.

• Small Reminders: Put a sticky note on your desk or phone that says, “Notice, don’t judge.” Sometimes a gentle nudge helps.

My Takeaway

I’ve found that the simple act of noticing my thoughts and emotions (without rushing to fix, judge, or stuff them down) brings a huge sense of relief and clarity.

Mindfulness doesn’t erase challenges or negative feelings.

Instead, it frees you to experience them honestly, and allows you to move forward.

It makes you feel lighter and less entangled.

This week, give yourself permission to just notice what’s happening inside your mind and heart.

You might be surprised by how much more at ease you feel.

If you have a favorite mindfulness tip or experience, I’d love to hear about it

Let’s keep learning to notice, not get stuck.

Transform your daily routine with my specially crafted gratitude journal.

Start (or end) each day with a moment of reflection and positivity.

As you develop daily your gratitude, you're also helping grant wishes to children facing critical illnesses.

It's a powerful cycle of hope and optimism.

🌟 What's Inside:

• Thoughtful prompts to inspire daily gratitude.

• Space for personal reflections and affirmations.

• Beautifully designed pages to make each entry a delightful experience.

Ready to embrace the power of gratitude?

Click here to order a copy now!

New to this newsletter? - Subscribe for free and join the Brighter Side!

Follow on Threads & Instagram for daily insights from the Brighter Side.

Follow on Medium for longer form content - @TheBSofE

Follow on X for daily insights from the Brighter Side - @TheBSofE